People don’t walk around telling mothers they are going to regret having children, no b/c the mom would bitch slap them with her lactating boob. Sooooooo, why is ok to tell women who don’t want children that they will one day regret it??
I am in the shunned population of women who don’t want children, never have and never will. However, for some reason there are so many people out there who feel like they have the insight, the knowledge, the mom power to change my mind about this deeply personal life decision. Here are a list of my favorite reactions to my decision not to have children:
1 – When you get older , you will look back and regret this decision. I’m not sure how you can see into the future and predict my life but I can promise you this isn’t something I will regret. I think the bigger regret would be bringing a child into the world when I know I don’t want to be a mother.
2 – Do you hate all children or something? While I am not overly fond of a lot of kids (I taught second grade for a year and it was hell on earth), I do love children who are close to me. I have 2 fabulous nieces and 2 wonderful nephews, and I love when I get to spend time with them. I was 11 when my younger brother was born, and I didn’t resent him. I don’t hate all children, I just choose not to have one permanently in my life.
3 – Why are being so selfish? So, it’s selfish to make the decision not to bring a child into the world when I know I don’t want one? I think the more selfish decision is to have a child who isn’t wanted. I do plenty of unselfish things on a daily basis, I don’t have to share my uterus to become a selfless person.
4 – It will be the most rewarding experience of you life. Really?? How do you know what I find rewarding? B/c personally carrying a bowling ball around in my uterus and then pushing it out does not sound rewarding AT ALL (not judging those who love the birth process, more power to you). And the following 18 years with a child is not something I want to experience – judge away!
So in response to those of you who don’t understand my decision, I would like to provide you with a little bit of insight into some of the reasons I choose not to have kids (not all, b/c like I said it’s a personal decision).
1 – They are expensive as sh*%! Back in the day when women popped out like 12 kids, it was because they put them to work as soon as the kid’s first tooth came in. They were an asset to life back then, but now that is just not the case. I currently live comfortably, and enjoy the life I have. Add a kid into that mix, and life would be a completely different experience (diapers, clothes, food, daycare, school, and the list goes on and on and on). Financial stability is important to me, and for me a child would hinder that.
2 – Birth. I’ve heard it is a fantastic, life changing experience. Kudos to those of you who feel that way. I’m calling bull sh*& though, at least for me personally. No, I haven’t experienced it. But I don’t think I really have to in order to know that pushing a watermelon out of a lemon would HURT! It’s messy, it’s gross, and a doctor/nurse/husband/wife/partner/camera man are all sticking their heads down there to get a peek. No thank you!
3 – I LOVE Sleep. Like I seriously have a love affair with sleep. It may be my favorite thing to do ever. I need approximately 9-10 hours a night to feel completely refreshed, otherwise I don’t function well and others don’t enjoy being around me. Babies do not mix well with sleep. More power to you mommas and daddies out there surviving off 1 hour a night, but I just can’t (and don’t want to).
4 – I’m not the most nurturing person. Displays of emotions and touchy-feely stuff make me extremely uncomfortable. I don’t really enjoy hugging (something I am working on with the Giant), I don’t cuddle, and I don’t deal with people who cry. I don’t have a lot of patience when it comes to comforting individuals. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, I just don’t do well with nurturing.
5 – I live life on my own schedule and change the agenda frequently. I wash clothes when I run out of underwear, I do the dishes sporadically, I cook random dinners. In my professional life, I have moved 7 times in the past 10 years (add a baby and all that baggage, moving becomes hard). I binge watch Netflix for hours at a time, moving only to use the bathroom. Could I adjust my schedule to accommodate a child in my life, possibly. But I don’t want to, and there is nothing wrong with that.
6 – I simply don’t want a child of my own. GASP! I know, it’s crazy. But take a moment to realize your lifestyle isn’t meant for everyone. I appreciate all moms out there (I wouldn’t be here without mine). But just b/c it has been a life-changing and wonderful experience for you, please don’t assume it is for everyone. I will still oooo and ahhhh over the adorableness of your child, but please don’t try to force me into the mold of your life.
Momma warriors out there, please don’t take this as an assault on your lifestyle choice. B/c life I said, hats off to you – I have the utmost respect for you and what you do. But please don’t attack me for my decision not to have children. Don’t feel sorry for me or tell me I am missing out on happiness in my life. I’m here to tell you I am happy and child-free.